Insane Adventures in Wonderland
by psychedelicdonuts
Summary: Four crazy teenage girls are hanging out together, when suddenly one of them sees the white rabbit. What happens when she chases it and accidentally falls down the hole? Eventually one-sided Stayne/OC and one-sided Hatter/OC.
1. Down the Rabbit Hole They Go!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland. Olivia belongs to me, Ichigo, Pash and Claire belong to friends of mine.  
**

It was just a normal day with Pash, Claire, Ichigo and Olivia. Or was it...?

They had seen Alice in Wonderland two weeks after it came out. Ichigo and Olivia were absolutely crazy about it. While Claire and Pash loved it, it wasn't their favorite. One day all of them got together and planned to hang out over at Pash's place. However, an unexpected thing was to happen.

"MAN, I WISH UNDERLAND EXISTED!" Ichigo shouted while they were sitting on the back porch. "I know!" Olivia said. "You guys are weird," Pash said while rolling her eyes. Claire was busy chasing down a random blue lizard that happened to zoom by. "...Pash, you have a rabbit hole behind your house, right?" Ichigo asked. "...Yes, but don't get any ideas, because you're not gonna find Under-," "OH MY GOODNESS THERE'S A WHITE RABBIT IN A WAISTCOAT JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE!!!" Ichigo cried. "Yeah, sure," Olivia said in disbelief. "I'm serious! Come here!" Ichigo said. "Please give it up, Ichigo. I know you're just kidding," Olivia said, trying to get her little sister to come back and finish lunch. "I SWEAR IT'S REAL!!! COME HERE!" Ichigo yelled. "Hurry before it runs away!!!" Pash and Olivia sighed. "Fine, we're coming!" Olivia said. Sure enough, it was a white rabbit in a waistcoat. Ichigo looked over at her friends mischievously and chased after the rabbit.

"Oh no she didn't!!!" Pash said in astonishment. "Oh yes she did," Olivia said. Deep down, Olivia wanted to run after that white rabbit too and fall into Underland. So she chased Ichigo and the white rabbit, leaving Pash standing there in the woods by herself thinking about how freaking insane her friends are. But then again she is very insane as well.

Olivia finally caught up with Ichigo, panting as she came to a stop. "Now where did it go?!" she asked. "He fell down the hole." "...You thinking what I'm thinking?" Olivia asked. "Uh huh," Ichigo said, slowly pacing back and forth by the hole. Suddenly she accidentally tripped over a tree root and into the hole. Pash ran back to get Claire. "Claire, Ichigo and Olivia ran off after the white rabbit to jump into the rabbit hole. We need to stop them before they get stuck there!" She said. "ALRIGHT, LET'S GO!!" Claire said. They ran all the way to the rabbit hole, only to find that Olivia and Ichigo were both missing. "Oh...they...did...not...just...go...there..." Pash said, amazed at how incredibly crazy her friends could be.

"Should we jump in and find them?" Claire asked. "Oh yeah, and we can be stuck there for the rest of our freaking lives!" Pash said, sarcastically. "OKAY COME ON LET'S GO!" Claire said, jumping in dragging her best friend behind her. "I didn't ask for this, you know!!!" Pash yelled as they were falling.

By the rime they got there, they found a half full bottle of pishsalver, a slightly nibbled piece of upelkuchen and a key on the floor. "Yep, they've been here!" Pash said. "Let's get this over with," she said as she picked up the upelkuchen, put it in her pocket and drank a little bit of the pishsalver and shrank. Claire picked up the bottle and drank some of it too, but drank more than Pash did, and was now 3 inches high, while Pash was two feet high. Pash sighed. "Only you would do something like this," she said, shaking her head. "Hey, it's kinda awesome being this high!!!" Claire said while spinning around in circles aimlessly. "I think you're going mad already," Pash said as she was trying to unlock the door. She finally was able to lift it up and unlock the door.

"Curiouser and curiouser!" Olivia said, looking around amazed at her surroundings. "IT'S SO AWESOME!" Ichigo said. "I know!" Olivia said, still turning around and looking at everything. Suddenly they heard someone talking. "Who are you?!" the Dormouse asked. Looking around, Ichigo and Olivia never saw anyone. They kept walking and Olivia felt a furball under her foot and screamed. "I almost stepped on Mallymkun!" she said, still having butterflies in her stomach and feeling anxious. "How do you know my name?!" Mallymkun said while waving her hat pin sword thingy around, threatening to stick her with it. "Never mind," Olivia said, sighing.

"This is ridiculous. We're lost!" Pash said, frustrated. "Hey, I forgot I put some upelkuchen in my pocket. Here, eat some." She said as she handed Claire a piece "Thanks!" They both ate some and grew back to normal size.

"Look here, I found these two girls!" Mally said as they stopped where more characters awaited them. The Tweedles were looking at some parchment roll of some sort. "Ichigo, they're looking at the Oraculum I bet!" Olivia said, excited. "Yeah! Let's look at it!" So they ran over to where the Tweedles and others were and looked at it. "It's the same one with the picture of Alice slaying the Jabberwocky!" Ichigo said. "Yeah!" Olivia said, amazed.

"But where is Alice?" Olivia asked. "She's not here, so one of you is going to have to slay it instead," Mally said while waving her hat pin around to gesture. "WHAT?!" Ichigo and Olivia yelled at the same time.

_To be continued_

**So, what did you think? If you have any ideas, let me know in a review! Thanks for reading!  
**


	2. A Cheshire Cat, and a Mad Tea Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland, or any of the official AiW characters! It belongs to Lewis Carroll, and the awesome movie belongs to Tim Burton!**

Pash and Claire stopped to take a rest from so much walking. "This has got to be the biggest mistake of our lives," Pash said. "I kinda like it down here! It's awesome!" Claire said. "I wonder where Ichigo and Olivia are," she added. Pash was looking at random little mome raths.

"I think they're lost," Tweedledee said to Tweedledum. "Contrariwise, I think they are not," Tweedledum said. Olivia and Ichigo were watching them argue back and forth. They turned and looked at each other. "Um, actually, we are," Olivia said. "I saw the white rabbit. We started chasing it and then I accidentally fell down the hole," Ichigo explained.

"We'll take you to Absolem then," Tweedledum said, grabbing hold of Ichigo's hand. "Let go!" Ichigo said, creeped out because he was checking her out. She shuddered and wiped her hand on her outfit and stayed as close to Olivia as she could. They continued walking, and then they saw Pash and Claire sitting on logs. "Hey, Pash! Over here!" Olivia shouted while waving. They ran over to them. "Where have you guys been?" Claire asked.

"We were looking at the Oraculum. It turns out either me or Ichigo have to slay the Jabberwocky!" Olivia said. "WHAT THE HECK?!" Pash said, freaked out. "Are you serious?" Claire said, surprised. "Yeah, and I'm FREAKING SCARED," Olivia said. "We were just going to see Absolem. Wanna come?" Ichigo asked. "Sure," Pash said. So they kept walking, when suddenly...

"B-B-BANDERSNATCH!!!!!!!!!!!" Olivia screamed at the top of her lungs. They all screamed and started running. Olivia tried to run, but when she saw a Red Knight, she stopped. She turned around and looked at the Bandersnatch. "Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me!" She said. Mally just happened to be there. "Run!!!" She said, as she took the Bandersnatch's eye. Olivia still didn't move. The Bandersnatch cried in pain and scratched Olivia in the arm. She yelled in pain and started to run. The Tweedles got picked up by the Jubjub Bird and taken to the Red Queen's castle.

Later that night, Olivia, Ichigo, Pash and Claire were walking together through the Tulgey Wood. "This place is so creepy at night!" Ichigo said. "I know!" Olivia said. Suddenly they saw a wisp of blue and gray going through the trees. Olivia, Pash and Claire gasped. "It's just the Cheshire Cat!" Ichigo said. He appeared in front of them as a disembodied cat head. "She's right," he said, smiling his signature smile. "OH MY GOODNESS YOU'RE MY FAVORITE IN UNDERLAND!" Ichigo said, trying to glomp his head. "You know, you're much creepier in the old Alice in Wonderland movie," she said. "What movie?" he asked, totally confused. "Never mind," Ichigo said. "I'm not going to go into explaining it."

"It looks like something attacked you," Chessur said, looking at Olivia. "Yeah, the Bandersnatch did it," she said, grabbing her arm and wincing in pain. "Here, let me take a look at that," he said as he picked up her arm. She pulled away. "No thanks. I can get it treated when I get home," Olivia said. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Olivia," Pash said. "Well, why don't I just bind it for you at least?" he said, pulling out a handkerchief. "Sure, go ahead," Olivia said. "Thanks!"

"So, what do you call yourself?" he asked as he was wrapping it around her arm. "Olivia," she answered. "Olivia?" he repeated. "Yes, and my sister Ichigo and I were told we had to slay the Jabberwocky. I don't know how to slay anything! And isn't it Alice's job to do that?" she asked. "Yes, but for some reason she hasn't come to slay it, and the Frabjous day is going to be here soon," he said. "Oh, okay," Olivia said. "Well, my work here is done. Be on your way now," he said while disappearing.

"Wait! We need help getting out of here. Can you take us to the Mad Hatter?" Pash said. He sighed. "Fine, I'll take you all there, but that's all I'm doing," he said. He disappeared and reappeared in front of them. "Come on!" he said. They all ran to catch up with him.

Early the next day, they were still following him. He kept disappearing and reappearing. "Stop doing that!" Pash said. "I'm sorry, but I would like to keep my head. There could be Red Knights anywhere!" he said, disappearing and reappearing again. "Ugh!" Pash said, tagging along. They eventually got there, and the Mad Hatter, Mally and the March Hare were there. Mally was telling them the story of Olivia and the Bandersnatch. "Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me! He was about to do her in, I tell you!" she said to them, making the March Hare laugh.

"I have the Bandersnatch's eye. Want to see?" she asked as he pulled it out. "Put it away, Mally. It's frumious!" the Hatter said in disgust. "I hate to interrupt, but I brought Olivia, Ichigo and some friends of theirs," Chessur said, pushing them closer to the table. The Hatter got up and walked all the way down to the end of the table. "So you are the girls I've been told so much about!" he said. "Won't you join us for tea?"

"I don't really think we need-" "We'd love to!" Olivia said, cutting Pash off. They all walked down close to the other end of the table. Olivia started to sit down when suddenly the March Hare screamed, "NO, NO! YOU CAN'T SIT THERE! CAN'T YOU SEE HOW FILTHY THAT TEACUP IS?! MOVE DOWN, MOVE DOWN!!!" "Ugh, fine, we'll move down!" Pash said. So they moved down, and finally got seated. Little did Pash know, the Mad Hatter was interested in her. He thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Pash on the other hand? Never in a million years.

"Well, I brought these girls here. That's all I'm going to do, so don't ask me for any more favors," Chessur said, while disappearing little by little. "Yes, thank you for the heroic effort, Chessur," the Hatter said sarcastically. Thackery threatened to throw a tea cup at him, but the Hatter stopped him. "Naughtfer usel, Thackery. Chessur being slurvish..." he said, glaring at Chessur as he spoke. By now, Olivia, Ichigo, Pash and Claire were all very confused.

Chessur gasped at what he heard. "Slurvish?!" "You are, Chessur. You always have been. You'll never change," the Hatter said. "And you're always so angry, Tarrant! You used to enjoy life. You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend." "When the Frabjous day comes and the Jabberwocky has been slain, then I shall Futterwacken." They glared at each other for a little bit, then Chessur decided he was ready to leave. "Take care of that arm, Olivia." He disappeared, and Olivia turned to look at the Hatter.

"Just so you know right off, we are NOT slaying ANYTHING, mmkay?" she said. "As if you could!" Mally said. "Well, there has to be another way to get out of here!" Pash said. "Yeah!" Claire said in agreement. "There's no other way. Either slay the Jabberwocky with the Vorpal Sword on the Frabjous day at Brillig or stay stuck here for eternity," the Hatter said to Olivia and Ichigo. "But it's not like me to slay anything! And...why did we have to be brought here anyway?" she asked. "Because since Alice never came back, you are our only hope!" Mally explained. "Oookay? Well...I'm just not gonna slay ANYTHING! And neither is Ichigo!" Olivia said, defensively.

Thackery covered his ears with his hands. "STOP ALL THE SHOUTING! I CANNOT BEAR THE SHOUTING!!!" he said. He threw a teacup at her and she ducked just in time. "But you girls are the only ones we've got now. Without you, the Resistance will fail!" the Hatter said. Suddenly Thackery yelled, "RED KNIGHTS!!!"

**Please read and review!!! Tell me if you have any ideas too! Thanks!**


	3. A Story, a Caterpillar, a New Mission

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Alice in Wonderland, or any of the characters.**

"RED KNIGHTS!" Thackery cried. Tarrant started panicking, looking for pishsalver for them to drink. "Why do we need it?! They're not after us, they're after Alice!" Olivia said. "You haven't heard?" Tarrant asked, surprised. "Heard what?!" Ichigo asked, worried. "The Red Queen heard about you girls and how you'll be slaying the Jabberwocky, so she sent her knave and Red Knights out to hunt you down!" he said. Finally he found a bottle. "Drink this," he said. "No! It tastes disgusting!" Ichigo said. Me made her drink some of it, then Olivia, then Pash and Claire. "Stop it!!" Olivia said, while all of them were being shoved into a teapot. Olivia sighed. "Just like in the movie!" she thought to herself. "LET US OUT!!" Pash yelled. She kept banging on the teapot. "Pash, do you want Stayne to find us?!" Ichigo said. "...Good point."

"Greetings, gentlemen," Tarrant said. Stayne walked over to the table looking at them suspiciously. "Well, if it's not my favorite trio of lunatics," he said. "YOU'RE LATE FOR TEA!" Thackery said, throwing a teacup at him. He caught it and started to drink it. "How fares the Red Queen? Or is it White? Who IS sitting on the throne these days?" Tarrant asked. Stayne just ignored him. "We're looking for the girl called Olivia," Stayne said. "Her younger sister as well," he added. "Speaking of the Queen, here's a song I sang at her concert!" Tarrant said. Heed to sing Twinkle Twinkle.

Olivia was watching through the spout. "Olivia! Have you seen her?" "Why is he mostly after me?!" Olivia asked, confused. "How should we know?!" Pash asked in return. "Before we answer that, you'll have to answer our riddle," Tarrant said. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Thackery asked. "That's a good one. Answer that if you can," Tarrant said to Stayne. One of the Red Knights hit him. Stayne ignored the riddle. "Have you seen her?" he asked again. "Have you guessed the riddle?" Tarrant asked. The Red Knight hit him again. Tarrant laughed crazily to keep his anger under control. Thackery joined in with him.

He was getting very irritated. "If you are hiding her, you'll lose your heads," he said. "Already lost them...sing together now!" Tarrant said. He kept trying to change the subject. Stayne was now getting very frustrated. "Where is the girl Olivia?!" He demanded. They kept on singing, "twinkle, twinkle, twinkle!" Bayard was sniffing the table, getting closer and closer to the teapot the girls were in. Tarrant tried and finally got him away. "Follow the bloodhounds," Stayne told the knights. He lingered for a while and eyed Tarrant, Mally and Thackery suspiciously. "You're all...mad!" he said as he threw the teacup down on the table, shattering into pieces.

Tarrant opened the lid to the teapot. "You're all safe now. The bloodhound will lead them away." He helped them out of the teapot. "Thanks!" Olivia said. All four of them were in filthy clothes, so he made all of them dresses to wear. He gave Olivia a blue one, Ichigo a purple one, Pash a dark blue on and Claire a green one. "AWESOME!" Olivia said. She had her arm wrapped up in a blue material with purple stripes. She winced in pain again from moving her arm around too much. "We want to help, but we're just not cut out for slaying huge creatures!" Ichigo said.

Ignoring what she said, he lifted all of them up onto the palm of his hand. "You'll speak to Absolem." "Can he tell us how to get home?" Claire asked. "He's wise. He's absolute. He's Absolem," he said. He put them back down on the table. "Do you have anymore upelkuchen?" Olivia asked. "Do you have anymore, Thackery?" Tarrant asked. Thackery looked, then shook his head. "Sorry, no upelkuchen," Mally said. Tarrant took his hat off and set it on the table. "Your carriage, madamoiselles," he said. "AWESOME! We get to ride his HAT!" Ichigo said. "YAY!" Claire said.

"Anyone can travel by horse or rail. But only the best people travel by hat," he said. They climbed up to the top of his hat and sat down. He put it back on. "By the way, Thackery, how IS a raven like a writing desk?" "If you don't know, I'm not telling. Ta-ta, girls!" he said in response. Mally started to follow. "Sorry, Mallymkun. Just us this time. You know how Absolem can get," he said. She frowned. "Wait, you haven't had your tea!" Thackery said, picking up a teapot to throw. "Watch your heads," Tarrant warned. They all ducked.

They all kept walking in silence, when Claire randomly said, "so, your name is Tarrant Hightopp." "Yes, I was a hatter by trade in the White Queen's court until the Horunvendish day," he said. "Oh, I've heard this story! But I forgot it. Could you tell it to us?" Pash said. He looked at her oddly. "What happened on the Horunvendish day?" Ichigo asked. "White fell the Red. It was here in the Tulgey Wood. The mood was festive. The Queen was confident in her champion, but fear overcame him. He dropped the Vorpal Sword. I helped the Queen to safety and so I missed the most of it. The Red Knights captured the sword so there was nothing to stop the Jabberwocky. The massacre was so terrible, Thackery went mad at the sight of it. On that day, I swore I would not stop until the Red Queen falls."

They were quiet. "And what about the White Queen?" Ichigo asked. "She's in exile in Marmoreal, waiting for a champion to slay the Jabberwocky and return her crown. In the meanwhile, Thackery, Mallymkun and others like us work secretly for her cause," he answered. They passed out of the woods and came to an open plain of barren earth. "This used to be fertile fields, but nothing has grown in Ipalm since the Jabberwocky ruined the land," he said. "Where did everyone go?" Claire asked. "Many have been taken as slaves for the Queen's court. Others have fled to the Outlands. Only a few strays remain," he said.

"You're on your own from here," he said, putting his hat down. "Why?" Olivia asked. "Absolem can be temperamental. We'll wait here." Olivia and Ichigo walked into a misty field of mushrooms the size of trees. Then they heard the familiar voice, "who are you?" They all squinted, trying to look through the mist. "Absolem?" Olivia said. "Who ARE you?" "We're not who you think we are!" Ichigo said. "Who do I think you are?" he asked. "Absolem?" Olivia asked again. "I don't think you're Absolem, I think I'm Absolem. I think you're Olivia and you are Ichigo," he said. "Have we met before?" Olivia said. "Of course not," he said. He laughed again. "Stupid girl."

"I'm not stupid!" Olivia said, irritated. "Wow, you're just as impertinent as Alice was," Absolem said. "The Hatter said you could tell us how to get home," Ichigo said, changing the subject. "Quite simple. Do what you came here to do," he said. "Look, just because we're here doesn't mean we can just start slaying things! I couldn't slay a Jabberwocky if my life depended on it!" Olivia said. "It will. So I suggest you have the Vorpal Sword on hand when the Frabjous day arrives," he said. He then disappeared.

"Wow, I still can't believe we're in Underland!" Olivia said. Ichigo started to cry. "...What's wrong?" Olivia asked. "I DON'T WANNA SLAY THE JABBERWOCKY!!!" Ichigo said. "Oh, come on! Don't worry about that right now! If only there were two swords, then we could both do it together and get it done quicker," Olivia said. "But I don't wanna do it at all!!!" Ichigo said. "Well, don't think about it right now! Let's go back to Pash and Claire," Olivia said. They started to walk back out when they start to hear swords clashing. They got lost for a few minutes but found their way out, and then they saw Tarrant being tied up.

"Take him to Salazen Grum," Stayne said. Olivia and Ichigo saw Pash and Claire and ran to where they were standing and watched helplessly as they took him away. They saw his hat still laying on the ground, but they couldn't pick it up. Suddenly they heard a footfall behind them.

**Please tell me what you think! Any ideas would be appreciated!!!**


	4. Meeting the Red Queen

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alice in Wonderland, or any of the official characters.**

It was Bayard. They all turned around, angry at him. "You did this?! He trusted you!" Olivia said. "They have my wife and pups," he said. "Sit!" Claire said. He cocked his head and looked at her strangely. "...What did you say?" "I said sit!" she said. He sits, then looks at Olivia. "Would your name be Olivia by any chance?" "Shhh! Down!" Olivia said, not wanting anyone to hear. "I thought you would be taller," he said. She climbed up his long ear and sat on his shoulder. "Come on!" she said to the others. They all got on top of him too. "So, your name is Bayard, right?" She asked.

"How did you know?" he asked, confused. "I won't go through explaining it. Anyway, you're taking us to Salazen Grum. And don't forget Tarrant's hat!" He picked it up and started running. She held on to his spike collar so she wouldn't fall off. He got tired eventually and laid down. "You need to rest for a bit," Claire said. They all slid off for a little bit. "Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch..." he started to say. "You know the Oraculum too!" Ichigo said. "I was raised in the Outlands. We all know the Oraculum. We've been waiting for a champion, but we didn't know one of you would be it. You should go to the White Queen and prepare to meet the Jabberwocky," he said.

Ichigo was tired of it. She finally had to let her frustration out. "I'm tired of being told what to do and who to be!" "We're going to Salazen Grum to rescue Tarrant. Are you taking us or do we have to walk?!" Olivia asked. "Yeah!" Pash and Claire said. He gave up and let them climb up onto his back. He picked up the hat and they continued going. They got to the moat by the Red Queen's castle. They all shrieked when they looked at it. "We have to go through THAT?!" Pash asked. "Sadly, yes," Olivia said. She turned around back to Bayard. "Wait here for us as long as you can. If we're not back with Tarrant in two days..." she trailed off, with no need to continue on.

"I'll be close by," he said. They ran to the moat. "Hey, in the movie there were no stepping stones," Claire said. "...Yeah, and your point is?" Olivia asked. "Well, look! We can get across on them!" "Woah, there ARE stepping stones now!" Olivia said, surprised. "Come on!" Pash said. They crossed the moat, then Ichigo turned around. "We need the hat!" She shouted. He threw the hat. Pash, Claire and Ichigo start to climb up a vine. Olivia went last and picked up the hat and slowly climbed up. When she got to the top and started to climb down, she winced in pain from the Bandersnatch wound on her arm. "Watch out, guys!" she warned. She let got of the vine because of the pain and fell hard on the ground. "Ugh, yeah, I couldn't have fallen on the hat, could I?" she said, frustrated.

They heard a whack, then a cry, then cheers and laughter. Olivia and Ichigo looked through the bushes. "They're playing croquet!" Ichigo said. The hedgehog rolled a few feet in their direction. They ran over to it, and Claire tried to help it. It cried again and started trembling. "Shhh, we want to help you!" she said. She tried to untie it. "Where's it gone to? Who stole my ball? Page! Where's he gone to? PAGE! My ball!" Iracebeth demanded. Claire managed to work the knot out. The White Rabbit ran behind the bushes and saw them. "Oh dear," he said. "Have you found it?" "Looking, Majesty!" the White Rabbit said. "I'm not a patient monarch!" she said. "It must have rolled through the bushes!" he said. He looked back at them. "Why are you all the size of gerbils?" he asked.

"I don't understand why you work for the Red Queen!" Olivia said. "I am not!" he said. "Oh yes you are! And why did you leave when the Bandersnatch came? You knew what was coming!" she said. "I never did," he said back. "You did!" she argued back. "My! Haven't we become the suspicious one?" he said. "One more thing," Pash said. She beckoned him closer, and then she hit him. "That's for dragging us down here against our will!" she said. He sulked. "I'm beginning to think you all should never have came down here. Now there's going to be a bruise. Is there?" "No," Ichigo said. "PAGE!" Iracebeth shouted. "Still looking, Majesty!" he said. He looked back over at Olivia and Ichigo. "What are we going to do with you? Wait, I think I still have some upelkuchen left for you two." He digged into his garments looking for some and finally pulled out a piece.

He gave it to Olivia and she divided it in quarters for all of them. "When you meet the Queen, don't mention anything about her head," he warned them. "We didn't come here to meet the Queen," Pash said. "We came to save the Hatter," Claire added. Olivia took a bite of her piece then took some more. "Not all of it!" the White Rabbit said. They all started to grow taller than they should have been. "Oh no, stop, don't do that!" the White Rabbit said. Olivia found herself looking at the Red Queen and her courtiers.

"And WHAT are they?" she said when she saw all four of them. "It's actually 'who,' your Majesty," he said. "This is Pash, Claire, Ichigo and...uh um..." he said, trying to think of a name for Olivia. No one of the Red Queen's court or any of her knights knew Ichigo's name, so it was safe to go by her real name. "Um?" she asked. "Yes, from Umbridge," he answered. "Um from Umbridge," she repeated. "Yes, your Majesty," Olivia said. "I've been growing so much recently, and so has Ichigo, Pash and Claire, and now we tower over everyone in Umbridge. We were wondering if we could be granted places in your court," she explained. "My dear girl, anyone with heads as large as you all have are welcome here!" Iracebeth said.

"You must get out of these pastel colors! No one in my court will wear colors that my other courtiers don't wear!" she said. "SOMEONE FIND THESE GIRLS SOME CLOTHES! USE THE DRAPERIES IF YOU MUST BUT CLOTHE THESE ENORMOUS GIRLS!" She smiled up at Olivia. "You'll be my new favorite."

They got into their new dresses, and walked next to Iracebeth down the great hall. "We'll take tea in the parlor," Iracebeth said. She particularly favored Olivia for some reason, so she didn't let Pash, Claire and Ichigo in. "Just me and my new favorite," she said. She kicked the guinea pig doorstop away and shut the door in their faces. She plopped down into her chair. "I need a pig here!" she said. They brought her a pig and set it under her feet. "I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet. Would you like one, Um?" she asked Olivia. "No, thank you," she said politely. Iracebeth shrugged. "Suit yourself," she said. "Sit down now. SIT!" she commanded Olivia. "Where are my fatboys? You must meet them! Fatboys!" she said.

The Tweedles came in with painted faces and kiss marks on their foreheads, bound by a gold belt around their waists. "There they are! Aren't they adorable? And they have the oddest way of speaking. Speak boys. Amuse us!" she said. They kept their eyes lowered, and stayed silent. Iracebeth kicked Tweedledum. "Speak!" she said. He looked up and saw Olivia, then nudged Tweedledee. "Is that being...?" Tweedledum asked. Olivia looked at them and shook her head while Iracebeth wasn't looking. "No, it isn't. Not a bit," Tweedledee said. Tweedledum didn't notice what Olivia did. "Contrariwise, I believe it is so-" "No! it ain't so. Nohow!" Tweedledee said. He stomped on Tweedledum's foot to make him shut up, then Tweedledum pinched him. He pinched him back and they kept on. Iracebeth laughed.

"I love my fatboys," she said. The one of the spider monkeys holding her settee up couldn't hold it anymore. He dropped his end, with Iracebeth crashing to the floor. "Off with their heads!" she said. They screeched and ran around. The footfrogs tried to catch them but couldn't. Olivia laughed. "You don't really mean that!" she said casually. Everyone in the room went silent. Iracebeth turned her head and glared at Olivia. "Did you say something?" she asked. "You can't have the poor things executed because they couldn't stand your weight! It's just...silly!" Olivia said. "I'm going to forgive you this time becase you are a big clumsy girl from Umbridge and you don't know any better. But do not EVER contradict your Queen!" she scolded.

She turned back to the White Rabbit. "Off with..." she trailed off, glancing at Olivia. "These useless monkeys. Send me something stronger. Send me chimpanzees," she said, when suddenly the door opened. All the monkeys ran out with grateful looks at Olivia. Unexpectedly, Stayne came in. "Stayne! How lovely to see you," she said. "Majesty," he said. "Any success with the prisoner?" she asked him. "Yes, stunning," he said, sarcastically. Suddenly he noticed Olivia and stared at her for a little bit. "Who is this...lovely creature?" he said, still staring at her with interest. "Um, my new favorite," she answered. "What is your name?" he asked Olivia.

"Um," Iracebeth answered again. Stayne started walking towards Olivia. "I'm afraid your name has slipped the Queen's mind," he said. "Her name us Um, you IDIOT!" she said, irritated. "From Umbridge," Olivia added. "Ilosovic Stayne, at your service," he said. "It's a pleasure," she said. "The pleasure is all mine," he said. He held her hand a little too long, so she slowly and gently pulled away. "Leave us," Iracebeth said. Olivia got up and Stayne watched her as she left. "Finally, there you are!" Pash said. "Yeah, we listened at the door to Stayne hitting on you," Ichigo said, laughing. "You guys are so freaking weird," Olivia said while shaking her head.

"Olivia! Howdoyedo again?" Tweedledee said. They shook her hands. "How is it you're being so great big?" Tweedledee asked her. "She ain't great big, this is how she normal is," Tweedledum said. "Contrariwise, she is smaller when we met," Tweedledee said. "She had drank the pishsalver, to get through the door, recall it?" Tweedledum asked. "Shhh!" Olivia tried to quiet them down. She listened at the door. "I have tried every form of persuasion," Stayne said. "Are you sure she knows where he is?" Iracebeth asked. "He knows. He taunts me with his eyes, even as I subject him to unbearable pain," he said.

Iracebeth started feeling self-pity. "I know the commoners don't love me the way they loved my sister," she said. "They do," Stayne said. "Don't lie!" Iracebeth said. "They do not. But isn't it far better to be feared than loved?" "No doubt. But without the Jabberwocky to keep the rabble in line, they would surely rise against me. You must not allow Olivia to slay my best weapon," she said. "I have pushed the Hatter to the brink and I still cannot break him," he said. "Then take off his head. We'll see if he talks then," she said. He looked at her strangely. She laughed at her joke, then saw his look. "You thought I was serious," she said. "I didn't, not at all. If nothing else, his execution will serve as an example to the White Loyalists," he said.

"Oh no! They're going to execute the Hatter!" Olivia said. "No, they ain't! Tweedledee said. "Nohow. We'll fight 'em!" Tweedledum exclaimed. Olivia turned to the White Rabbit. "Take us to him!" Olivia said. Ichigo, Pash and Claire were a little intimidated to go. "It's not that simple to stroll into the dungeon with four seven foot girls!" he said. Suddenly acting sweet, Olivia said, "you never told me your name." "Sir Nivens McTwisp, Esquire, Junior, the fifty-seventh," he answered. "Sir McTwisp, you're the most well-spoken, best dressed rabbit I've ever seen," she said. "Well, naturally," he replied. "I'm confident you'll find a way. We'll go to Tarrant as soon as I come back," she said. She ran off.


End file.
